Sacred & Profane – Art, Beauty & stuff that doesn't suck

"Life has been your art. You have set yourself to music. Your days are your poetry" -Oscar Wilde

Important Lessons Learned in Los Angeles…Part 2 April 10, 2009


In LA I learned…

…..that Mike Tomlin (Pittsburg Steelers coach) has never smiled in his life and anyone who makes eye contact with him will immediately die.

…..that sometimes even a 287 year old shockingly successful billionaire (Steelers owner Dan Rooney) can be mistaken for a frail senile hobo with a giant ketchup stain on his shirt who wandered into baggage claim.


…..that a dear smiley Canadian college friend who just wanted to sing Amy Grant songs in church and supply various baked goods for church picnics is now more likely to be the one to spike the sherbet punch at the potluck…She’s more fun now  : )   *

…..that even though it is completely permissible to recline seats on a plane the person behind you will hate you forever and intentionally kick the back of the seat.

… is possible to watch an entire season (minus 1 episode) of a show (Californication) in 2 days…Self destruction can be made to look extremely appealing. Hank Moody Rules!


…..some people go to coffee shops for coffee, other people go to get high, other people walk their dogs and then take breaks to sit in the joint passing circle while all of the dogs play with each other and also get high. **


…..I still am flooded with eloquent insights at art galleries and bff Dave still has nothing worthwhile to say about anything unless he stole it from me. ***


* For the record I have nothing against Amy Grant, baked goods, Canada, church picnics or church potlucks.

** For the record bff Dave and I were amongst the coffee drinking patrons…Say “no” to drugs kids

*** take this as a joke except for what I said about my bountiful insights and bff Dave’s lack of thought (Dave and I show love through insults)


Important lessons learned in Los Angeles… Part 1 April 8, 2009

Bekah and I went on an extended vacation to LA recently to visit our friend Nikki and my bff Dave who is a corn farmer in Kansas.** I learned several (not so) very important life lessons accompanied by a few (not so) profound epiphanies. I hope these have a dramatic impact on all of your lives…

In LA I learned…

…..that the grass actually is greener on the other side. (obviously a metaphor because I don’t think I saw a single blade of grass while I was there)

…..that when talking with a sweet enthusiastic little goth fellow (Kynt) for an hour about Mac cosmetics, comic book movies and Hello Kitty fashion accessories, never assume he hasn’t been travelling the planet with his hot goth girlfriend (Vyxsin) as a semi-famous finalist on the Amazing Race. Wikipedia has just informed me that the “ubiquitous dating goths” have since been eliminated but had a great run.

kyntvyxsin…..that enthusiastic little goth fellows who look 12 will say they are 22 and from LA but are actually 31 and from Louisville, Kentucky. ***

…..never underestimate a cupcake

sprinkles…..that as much as I love modern indie dance music, all you really need to keep a party going is a room full of people who don’t suck, a tall bald pastor doing some sort of interpretive gorilla dance and a chick spinning James Brown and Aretha records. (and arguably a dude pouring half price beer)

…..that when you say “no onions please” it actually seems to mean “not only do I want onions but I demand them in excess.” Good to know.

…..that not every person there is a famous actor; some of them are also in gangs. However, bff Kansas corn farmer Dave and I think we saw Jay-Z like 12 times and Vern Troyer standing on a speaker taking pictures.

verne** Just so he doesn’t whine, I will clarify that bff Dave isn’t a corn farmer, he is the guitarist for Far Beyond Frail and “D” list celebrity in the renown Kansas City, Missouri hipster scene.

*** I should also clarify that I don’t walk around in LA or anywhere else looking for 31yo goth boys who look 12. I was waiting with my WIFE and Nikki in an embarrassingly long line of small girls, soccer moms and middle aged goth boys who were buying limited edition Twilight DVD’s…(I’m not proud of that either)

To be continued…